20 weeks pregnant

Well I have made it.  I am half way through my pregnancy.  Almost to the point where I feel I can quit holding my breath and thinking this is all just a dream.  So many things are different this time around than they were back in 2005 with my first pregnancy. 

I was much sicker in the first trimester this time around.  Last time I had maybe an hour a day I felt miserable whereas this time around I was miserable for basically 3 months straight.  Most people (me included at first) would feel that this was a horrible thing to be unable to keep anything down but water, 7-Up, and Ginger Ale.    But for me it kept the fact that I was pregnant real in my mind.  What other reason is there to feel miserable all day but the joy of knowing that you are growing a life inside of you.  That God has bless you with the chance to be a mommy to your own miniature you (or miniature hubby).

In the 2nd trimester so far, I have been feeling more movement from baby than I did first time around.  I started feeling flutters around week 15 1/2 or so.  Today those movements are a bit more than flutters but not as much as the jabs and kicks my friends further along tell me about.  I know those movements are coming but I am enjoying the little motions that my baby is doing now, it is comforting to know that God protected my little one while I was so sick at the beginning. 

Another HUGE difference about this pregnancy is that I have the love and support of my, Husband Mike.  Unlike in 2005 (before I even met Mike), when I was living in Montana and working 50-60 hours a week trying to just to support myself.  I was alone except for friends and the occasional phone call back home to mom.  This pregnancy is just that much more healthy for both me and baby I believe.  It is amazing what knowing someone cares about you does for your outlook on EVERYTHING. 

While I know that back in 2005 I would have loved my little girl with all my heart.  I know that I wasn't ready to be a mother then.  I was way too self-absorbed at that time and financially it would have definitely dropped us from being broke into the poor bracket.  In my opinion not the best way to bring a child into this world.  While I am not entirely sure I am ready to be a mother now, financially things are much stabler, and I know that this child will not only have 2 parents that love him/her very much, but also 3 grandparents, numerous aunts, uncles and cousins; and a TON of family friends who love him/her lots n lots.

Thank you God for protecting all of us and providing for us.  Please continue to do so all the days of our lives.

Do I call this week a blessing?

This week is full of lots of things for me.  For starters today (9 April) is my 28 month wedding anniversary.  My mother also needed me to stay with her for a couple of days due to having major dental work done, which has forced me to actually figure out how to do things that are at knee level and lower.  It is also the first time Mike has had to work a complete overnight shift since we got married.  So life has gotten interesting really fast. 

I sincerely wonder if I can consider this week a blessing.  I believe I can.  It is a blessing because Mike and I have been married 2 years and 4 months.  It is a blessing because I am able to spend it with mom even tho she is hurting and not entirely herself.  It is a blessing because it is another week that I am pregnant with our little Minion.  It is a blessing because Mike has a job that enables us to live comfortably, not lavishly, but comfortably.  Blessings are all in how we look at the world around us.  It might seem like life is trying to kick us down but change your perspective a little bit and you can see the good in it.  I thank the LORD for my husband, my mother, my unborn child and for my husband's job.

Clothing Issues Part 2

I know I already addressed clothing issues once but decided that I wanted to revisit this issue again. I finally broke down and bought some maternity jeans and a couple maternity tops.  You know they aren't so bad.  Yea, it is a bit different feel with that pregnancy panel over the tummy, but I feel like my 4 month baby bump is supported.  I also went through all my clothes and amazingly I have a few of my favorite tops that actually fit me and look good with the baby bump. 

The good Lord is blessing me with the ability to be able to appreciate (finally) the changes happening to my shape.  He is also blessing me with continued good health. 

Perspective

There are times that this little gal, who was born in a big city but raised in the country, gets slammed with the reality of the big bad world out there.  Having been raised in small town Idaho near an airbase I realize that there are things such as war, death, and troubles in the world but not really had it hit as close to home as it did last night for me.  I was reading the news online like I do most nights and came across a story on KTVB's website about the Gunfighters (MHAFB).  Like most air bases we have our share of men and women deployed overseas at any given time.  Right now the large group gone happens to be the one connected to my husband's squadron, by this I mean not only his squadron but the planes they work on and the other squadrons that also work on those same planes have people over there.  When I read in that article that a plane had went down and we had lost a pilot the thoughts and emotions that went through me were some of the strongest I had ever felt when reading about military deaths overseas.  I actually fell asleep last night bawling my eyes out crying not only for the loss of this life but for the family and friends that were left behind.  For the first time in my life I believe it actually has fallen into the right perspective for me.  As a civilian, military deaths were just something that happened they didn't directly affect me, now however as a military spouse, it means so much more.  I am probably overly sensitive to it because I am pregnant, but I am actually afraid now for the men and women overseas.  I know I shouldn't let this stress me out because of the baby but how do you not let it stress you when you know they are over there for a set amount of time.  I need to bring my perspective back on to staying unstressed for baby but fears are there now.

Emotions? Where did these come from?

One would think that at the age of 33 I would know how to deal with emotions.  However, I have been nicely medicated for the last several years where my emotions stayed on a nice even keel, so these massive emotional mood swings are new to me. After 17 weeks of pregnancy I still don't have a clue how to deal with this new teary eyed me.  I cry with my favorite TV shows. I cry with cartoons on Boomerang and Cartoon Network.  I cry with baseball (not unusual other than this is only Spring Training).  I cry when playing games on my computer, when I am cooking, when I am trying to fall asleep at night.  I pain feel like all I do is cry and I don't know what the heck I am crying about.  I want my emotional evenness back.  I want to deal with things in my normal way not in this crying way.  I know that God doesn't give us anything we can't handle but I sure wish He'd give me a clue as to how to handle this. 

Mike looks at me, on the occasions I do cry around him, with a complete look of being lost on his face.  I feel so bad that I can't really explain to him why I am crying or how to help me deal with it.  The last thing I want to do is frustrate him, especially on his days off when he needs to be relaxing.  I guess the best thing for me to be doing during all this emotional upheaval is to be praying and asking God to help me.  To guide me and give me the knowledge to deal with this new found emotion.

On a happy note (tho I did cry after taking the picture, go figure)  Here is my 17 week along picture.

Clothing Issues :(

While I am loving the fact that I am pregnant and gonna have a Baby Westcott, I am hating some of the changes to my body.  Currently I am in that wonderful stage where I am too big for most of my regular clothing, but am yet still too small to fit in maternity clothes.  I have this overwhelming desire to get back on my diet of last year and try to loose these "excess" pounds my body seems to be packing on.  However, I have to keep reminding myself that I am not really gaining weight as one might think but am actually building a little human being inside me.  I am a factory of sorts and in being said factory changes to my body are gonna happen.  This bump on my front will most likely get bigger as the months progress along until I finally have a wonderful little one to hold in my arms.

I am about a week late with my picture but here I am at 15 weeks along.

Eating Changes While Pregnant

Well you already heard me rant about not being able to eat much meat with this pregnancy, which is a downside of it.  But today I want to talk about all the foods I am able to eat again with minimum to no side effects.  For the last several years I have had to watch my dairy and my wheat/gluten intake.  Now I am all of a sudden able to eat normal bread (even wheat bread) with no bad effects on my body that I can tell.  I am enjoying this new freedom by eating foods I have missed out on like crescents, cheese sticks, and Eggo Waffles.  I am also able to eat all the cheese I want with no ill effects, in fact this child is making me crave cheese.  I even had a Shamrock Milkshake from McDonalds and the only bad side effect I had was a minor upset tummy.  God is being so gracious to me by letting me be able to eat these foods that I have missed while my body and the baby have taken away my meat.  Praise the Lord for all He has done and is doing for me.